Pussy Drawing

29 February 2008

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting - "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

Painful Slides

28 February 2008

A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a coin.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a Tea stall in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of Tea.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her Tea cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, she hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the Tea stall without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied, "I work for the Income Tax Dept."

Funny, Stupid, and Banned Commercials Part 2

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.
Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected.
With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, "You."

Funny, Stupid, and Banned Commercials Part 1

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's
my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

World In Words

27 February 2008

A woman went to a discount store service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples." By now a crowd was beginning to gather.
The clerk ran away to get the store manager who asked the lady what was wrong. She explained once again that she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The manager also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples." The crowd was growing larger.
The very embarrassed store manager asked the lady why on earth she was making such a scene and she very demurely replied, "because I like to have my nipples rubbed when I am being screwed."
The crowd exploded in applause; she walked out of the store with a complete refund and a very smug look on her face.

Best Funny Moments in Sports

One afternoon a little girl returned from school and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why
don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained: "Well ... OK ... the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of
stands up, and then Mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes,
and that's how you get babies". Her mum shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye
to eye and said, "Oh, Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewellery."

Affair In The Wrong House

24 February 2008

Affair In The Wrong House

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says ''My husband works as a marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.''
The second woman says, ''My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that.''
The third woman just shakes her head and says, ''My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it.''


23 February 2008

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his
wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his
little boy and sent this note to his wife:


The wife answered the note and sent it back with the boy. It read:


So he sent another note down. It read:


To which she replied:


Paris Hilton Big Bush

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions."
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.
"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of Italy."
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in Italy, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"
The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch penis."
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

Weird Situations

22 February 2008

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's tests results.
Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
Mr.Smith: "what do you mean?"
Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS.we cannot tell which is your wife."
Mr Smith: "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"
Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't fick her."

Ouch For 120 Seconds

21 February 2008

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking through a marriage-help book when his husband turns to his wife. ''It says here that the most important thing in a marriage is honesty. So let's come to grips here. Honey... have you ever cheated on me? I've never cheated on you.'' He saw the twisted look on his wife's face, and trying to supress his anger, he asked: ''How many times? And when?''
The wife responded, ''Well... you know that time when your company was broke, and you couldn't get the landlord to let his pay slide for another month?''
The husband stared. ''You mean you're the one who got him to?''
His wife knodded. The husband thought it over, then sighed. ''I guess that's okay. Any other times?''
''Well... when you had that heart attack, and the doctor refused to give a heart transplant for the ammount of money we had at the time...I kinda...''
''Ah, you're the one who made it possible.''
The husband looked honestly relieved. ''Well, that's understandable,you saved my life. Any others?''
She nodded. ''One more.''
The husband leaned forward. ''Well... you remember the time when you were running for president of your company, and you were short by 17 votes...?''

This Guy Is Unbelievable

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside.
"5th and Main, please."
"You again?" says the taxi driver. "This is the 4th time I've dropped you and your wife off at work."
"Really? My wife doesn't work."
"Yes, she does. I drop her off there everyday, about an hour after I rive you to work."
"Behind the Tillman & Lane department store."
"Interesting," says the man. "Tell you what. Pick me up in two hours,
and I want you to show me where my wife works." So two hours later,
the taxi arrives and takes the man to whorehouse behind Tillman &
"Hold on," said the driver. "I'll be right back."
There's a huge commotion after the driver goes in, with cursing and
screaming and the sounds of breaking furniture. The driver comes out
with a woman in a headlock.
"That's not my wife!" exclaims the man.
"I know. She's mine. I'm going back in for yours."

Zidane Vs. Fidel Castro

20 February 2008

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the
fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to
your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."


''Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent!''
''I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?''
''Well, the first part you can imagine. But he also burned his tongue
and broke his finger!''

Never trust women

19 February 2008

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star hotel to
celebrate their 50th marriage anniversary.

The bell boy while taking their luggage to the suite thinks to
himself, "At this age, they are booking a suite. What a waste!"

After leaving them in their room with a very heavy tip he decides to
spy on them. At night, he sits in the lobby opposite their room. And
what does he hear? Laughing and clapping sounds from their room. All
night long.

He could not believe his ears. In the morning, he apologized to the
husband for having spied on them, but being very inquisitive, he asks
him how can he do what he did at this age.

The husband replied, "See it is this way. First, I remove my clothes.
Then I lie down on the bed face up. Then my wife removes her clothes.
Then..." The bell boy leans into the old man and says, "Then what,

The old husband smiles and says, "Then my wife lifts up my penis with
one hand, and then we make a bet."

The bell boy hollers, "A BET? What bet?!"

If it falls to left, I win; and if it falls to right she wins," the
husband replied with a smirk.

The bell boy asks, "Well, what if it doesn't fall?"

"Then we both win," says the old man.

Belly Dance

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
-Old Man: Certainly not.
-Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose, if you tell me the
-Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.
-Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
-Old Man: See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may
be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
-Young Man: Quite possible.
-Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and
-Young Man: Quite possible.
-Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by
and came into wish me. Then as a courtesy, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come again. This time you will
appreciate tea and ask who has made it?
-Young Man: Possible
-Old Man: made it Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then
have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my
-Young Man: Smiles. ;)
-Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You
will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
-Young Man: Smiles
-Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After
meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for
-Young Man: Smiles
-Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love
and ask for my permission. Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles
-Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person
like you who does not even own a watch.

Ready For The Olympic Games 2008

Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night, in our honeymoon suite
I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and
said, Here - try these on." She did and said, "These are too big I
can't wear them." I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here -
try these on." She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They
don't fit me." Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike.
She said, "Here -you try on mine. He did and said, "I can't get into
your pants." Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass
attitude, you never will."

Kung-Fu Baby

18 February 2008

After 25 years of service the postman was about to retire. On his last day
he walked the same routine as he did for 25 years.
When he arrived at the first house the people gave him fishing gear and
wished him happy retirement. When he arrived at the second house the people
gave him camping gear and wished him happy retirement. When he arrived at
the third house a blond lady opened the door and invited him in. They went
upstairs and had dirty 5ex for about two hours. She then made him breakfast
and afterwards handed him a dollar.
The postman was surprised, he asked: "Today you gave me the greatest 5ex I
had for years, and breakfast was nice, but what's with the dollar"?
The blond lady answered: "Last night, I was talking to my husband, I told
him that today was your last day, and asked what should we do? My husband
said: 'Fick the postman! Just give him a dollar.' but adding breakfast was
my idea!"

Falling Hard In Slow Motion

A Programmer and an Electrical Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The Programmer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question , and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50." This catches the Engineer's complete attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The Programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Engineer doesn't say a word, reaches in to his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the Programmer. Now, it's the Engineer's turn.
He asks the Programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks, "Well, so what is the answer?"
Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Paris Hilton Sings Happy Birthday To Hugh Hefner

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says,
"About 3 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says,
"About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.
The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in
the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing
hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says," Your house."

Adriana Lima

The American Dream

Joe Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in
Japan), for 600 A.M. While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking,
he puts his blow dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his
electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He puts on a dress shirt (made in
Taiwan), his designer jeans (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis
shoes (made in Korea). After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in
Mexico), how much he can spend today. After setting his watch (made in
Switzerland), to the radio (made in Hong Kong), he goes out, gets in his
car (made in Germany), goes looking as he has been for months, for a
good paying American job. After the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for a while. He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil), pours himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turns on his TV (made in
Japan), and ponders again why he can't find a good paying American job.

Bmw Alpina B7 Vs Mercedes Benz Clk 63 Amg

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went upon the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop
window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver
said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights
out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little
tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead
bodies for the last 25 years."

Freaky Women In An Elevator

17 February 2008

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared
an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was
filled with patients.
He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was
a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave
her his name. In a VERY LOUD VOICE the receptionist said,
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads
around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice

Funny Moments Compiliation

Rules for Frequent Flyers

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman/man on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

A 300 parody

16 February 2008

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey.
Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money." The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager."

bull gives good lesson to curious spectator

Prison Life vs a Full-Time Job

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for
that one.

In prison you get time off for good behaviour.
At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all
the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own room.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the
inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.

Why a Geek Will Steal Your Girlfriend in 2008

12 February 2008

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other
is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign
that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting
in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at
the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and
we're all gonna die."

Do Not Smoke in Bed

Attention: All Employees

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If
we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If
you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need
all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you
intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The
vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
and leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we
will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance,
all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20,
employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so
on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary
to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme
emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both
employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In
addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At
the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5
minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim
Fast and take a diet pill.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week, and thank you for your cooperation.


funny commercial

11 February 2008

Why small town lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you,
Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to
me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do.
I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted,
and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with
anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died! At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."

Do Not Laugh

How to Recognize a Company Car

1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed on private cars.
5. Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
6. They have a much tighter turning radius.
7. The floor is shaped like an ashtray.
8. They only burn the cheapest gas available.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension and trunk floor are reinforced to allow concrete slabs and other heavy building materials to be carried.
13. They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still in orward motion.
14. The tire side walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control.
16. No security is need. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.

Bike accidents

10 February 2008

Differences Between Bosses and Employees

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it 's because he's overworked.

Ice Breakers - Carmen Electra

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture in Idaho when
suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver,
a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL
tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you
exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where
he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on
his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an
image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he
receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints
out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You
have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the
shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and
looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his
Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
"You're a consultant," says the shepherd.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
"No guessing required," answered the shepherd. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap
about my business...."
" ... Now give me back my dog."

Run Boy Run

09 February 2008

Corporate lesson 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the
road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She
got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal
a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her
leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember
psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He
forced himself to remove his hand. However,he was unable to remove
his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg
again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a
meaningful glance and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or
you might miss a great opportunity!

Mass Hockey Fight

Corporate lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of
arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the
wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next
door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says,"I'll give
you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800
dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back
to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the
husband says, "did he say anything aboutthe 800 dollars he
owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining
to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in
a position to prevent avoidable exposure

IQ Test

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room
is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging
from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries
to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with
ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the
ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be
sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.Soon, none of
the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.
One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new
monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the
ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are
doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately
begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall
upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.
However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The
newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all
the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This
includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he's not on the receiving end this time, participates
in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing
it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new
One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.
Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them
have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them
attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries,
without having any idea why.

Bridgestone - Critters Scream

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires
a new CEO. He immediately declares his intention to
rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a man
leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and
he wants to let them know he means business.
The CEO walks up to the man and asks: "And how much
money do you make in a week?" The young man calmly
replies: "I make $200 a week. Why?"
The CEO hands the man $200 in cash and screams:
"Here's a week's pay. Now get out and don't come
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO
looks around the room and asks: "Does anyone want to
tell me what that slacker did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers
mutters: "He's the delivery guy from Pizza Hut."

FedEx - Pigeon Carriers

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride".
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case..."
Next Jack approaches Bill Gates
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case..."
Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need."
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case....."
This is how business is done!!

Audi - The Godfather

08 February 2008

A British doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor were
The British doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that
we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him
looking for work in six weeks."
Then the German doctor bragged, "That''s nothing, we can take a lung
out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in
four weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way
behind. We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White
House, and almost immediately afterwards half the country was looking
for work."

Thrillicious: 2008 Sobe Life Water Super Bowl Ad

Doctors Out Hunting

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group
were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a
pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first
to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to
get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was
long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the
pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure
if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have
babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered,
as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist.
Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended
prey's identity.
"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The
fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's
weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his
smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist
beside him.
"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

Bud Light - Will Ferrell

07 February 2008

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed
that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was
putting on his surgical glove -"Do you know how they make
these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No?"
"Well," he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with
a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand
size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands
in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right
onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big
'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over
Upon hearing this explanation the woman sat stoic, not laughing the
slightest bit.
A few minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth
because she burst out laughing.
The dentist was baffled, and asked her what was so funny.
The woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they
must make condoms!"

AMP - Stranded Motorist

Three generals, one from the Army, one from the Air Force, and the third from the Marine Corps, were having a debate about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"
"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.
"Bravery, nothing," snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!"
"YES SIR!!" replies the private.
"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."
"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.
"Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"
They look to the Marine. "Private," the Marine Corps General commands.
"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."
The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "TO HELL WITH YOU SIR!!"
The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"

Tide To Go - Screaming Stain

06 February 2008

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse me, may I have a
bum, please?" The baker laughs and says, "Oh, you must mean a bun,
sure, here you go." The Mexican next goes to the hardware store. He
asks the clerk, "Excuse me, can I get a fucket here?" The clerk laughs
and says, "Oh, you must mean a bucket. Of course!" The Mexican then
goes to a pet shop. He asks the manager, "May i have a
Cockandspankit?" The manager laughs and says. "I think i misunderstood
you, you must mean a Cockerspaniel. On his way home, the Mexican loses
the leash on his dog. The Mexican frantically runs after it and yells
at a woman and asks, "Can you please hold my bum and fuck it, while I
go get my cock and spank it?"

Diet Pepsi Max - Nod

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico. They set up on the square of a small village. Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't
able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and
scratches. Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised
and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him. The third time it happens, Bob
comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is
almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, "Holy
cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?"
Bob looks confused and says, "No, the cord was fine... but what the
heck is a pinata?"

Budweiser - Beer Wagon Team

05 February 2008

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two
large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered
The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The
guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and
finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover
that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases
Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's
shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing
happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The
guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan
crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and
the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the
guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me,
what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

Bud Light - Caveman Wheel

A couple go to Mexico City for vacation and go to a famous local
restaurant. They ask the waiter's opinion about what to order, and he
tells them they have a special each Sunday that's wonderful, so the
couple orders that.With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving
platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping; it
smells delicious and tastes even better.The couple are delighted with their meal and ask the waiter just what the fabulous meat dish was. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate.
The couple are a bit taken aback by what they had just eaten, but
it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns back in Mexico City and decide to go to the same same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they
order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge
silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this one so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, " Well you see, senor, sometimes
the bull wins!"

Victoria's Secret Adriana Lima

04 February 2008

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going
to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there
is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you
what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten
dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and
said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm
water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must
be a fraud.
So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine,
his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He
brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After
a minute the paper came out and said, ''The tap water has lead, the
dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your

Celebreties In 2040

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse me, may I have a
bum, please?" The baker laughs and says, "Oh, you must mean a bun,
sure, here you go." The Mexican next goes to the hardware store. He
asks the clerk, "Excuse me, can I get a fucket here?" The clerk laughs
and says, "Oh, you must mean a bucket. Of course!" The Mexican then
goes to a pet shop. He asks the manager, "May i have a
Cockandspankit?" The manager laughs and says. "I think i misunderstood
you, you must mean a Cockerspaniel. On his way home, the Mexican loses
the leash on his dog. The Mexican frantically runs after it and yells
at a woman and asks, "Can you please hold my bum and fuck it, while I
go get my cock and spank it?"

A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that there are three
words the Mexican needs to know in order to be all right in the city:
The White man says these words are: green, pink, and yellow. Then the
White man says ''Now tell me a sentence using all three words.'' The
Mexican says ''I hear de telephona ah greena greena, I pink up de
phona and say ah yellow?"

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could
buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said,
"Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to
buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said,
"Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask
me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was
leaving. The boy said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you
should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck
with an $80,000 mortgage!"

Top ten signs you might be a frog.
You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup
You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly
French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you
Bug lamps appear to you as a curse
On applications, you list 'Pond' as your home address
Kermit is your idol
You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit
Have seen the movie 'The Fly' at least ten times
You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium
France is the evil empire to you

Kermit LetterFrog's


10. Babes are always kissing you because they think you'll turn into a
9. Flies in your soup are a bonus.
8. You're above toads on the food chain.
7. Green goes with absolutely everything!
6. Pond Scum is a term of endearment.
5. Most restaurants have a "no croaking" section.
4. Amphibians are at a minimum risk of appearing on Geraldo.
3. You can scratch hard to reach places with your tongue.
2. You can donate your body to science for big bucks!
1. It sure beats being a newt.

The Frog and the Princess
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
and saying, "I don't think so."

One frog says to another:
-Are you indisposed?
And the other answers:
-No!!! Why are you always asking me that?
The first frog says:
-You always look so green!!...

A lovely Princess sees a frog in the woods. On closer inspection, she sees that he also happens to be wearing a tiny crown.
So, being the lovely Princess that she was, she puckered up and bent down to kiss the little frog.
The Frog suddenly leaped back, recoiling in horror!
"Please, NO! For God's sake, I've been a frog for years! I have a wife and
hundreds of kids, and THEY'RE ALL FROGS!"

A man walks in to a doctors office with a frog on his head.
The doctor leaps up and says:
"Good grief, how on earth did you get that great ugly thing!"
The frog looks down and replies:
"I dunno Doc, it started out as a little wart on my bottom!"

A little girl walks up to her grandfather and says:
"Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
Grandpa says:
"Honey, why do you want me to do that?"
And the little girls says:
"Well, Daddy said that when you croak, we all get to go to Disney World!"

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a
beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next semester in her biology class."

How will look some celebreties with 80kilos more

01 February 2008

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.

An old Jew and a young Jew are travelling on the train. The young
Jew asks: "Excuse me, what time is it?" The old Jew does not answer. "Excuse me, ir, what time is it?" The old Jew keeps silent. "Sir, I'm asking you what time is it. Why don't you answer?!" The old Jew says: "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, I'll have to invite you to my home. You're handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. Tell me, why would I need a
son-in-law who can't even afford a watch?"

THREE women, at coffee:
"Oy vey."
"Oy vey's mir"
"Please, let's not discuss the children !"

This guy walks into a bar, and sits down at the bar. There is a really
good looking girl alone at the end of the bar. He catches her eye, and
smiles at her. She gives him an icy stare in return.
A little while later he tries again, and is rebuked. He calls the bartender
over. "Listen, I'd really like to meet that girl, can you help me".
Sure says the bartender, "have you ever heard of Jewish Fly".
"No, is it like Spanish Fly", replys the man.
"Much better than that." says the bartender.
The bartender mixes the girl a drink, (with the jewish fly of course) and
gives it to her. A little later she smiles at the man. After a few more minutes
and she began to lick her lips suggestively. The man walks over, sits down
and says "May I get you another drink"
"No", she says in a deep sexy voice,
"But you can take me shopping"

I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude-,
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!

Magnetic Attraction Pepsi Stuff Super Bowl Justin Timberlake

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said, "I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said, "I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the
passion and mystery I found there."
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they questioned.
The Engineer said, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done."