Beach Bloopers Compilation!

28 August 2008

The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got
together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and
asked for help on this matter. An American replied, "You must do something
so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and
the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect
since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do
something world-famous." A German added," Yes, he's right. Why don't
you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build,
build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it."
With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and
worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to
the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected
in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, "No, no. See, that is
why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the
desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect
The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said,
"Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a
new one??? That is amazing!!" To which a Polish man replied, "Well,
not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn't dismantle it because
there were all these Italians fishing off it."


25 August 2008

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom, when Hillary
wakes and starts shaking Bill.

Bill groggily opens his eyes and says, "Honey, it's 3am. What do you

"I have to go use the bathroom," Hillary replies.

Bill blinks. "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me
you have to go to the bathroom."

"No," Hillary says, "I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."

Serdar Ortac - Seytan

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

Women, Now You Can...PEE STANDING UP!

24 August 2008

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game.
Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and
whispered in his ear.

Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President
Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."

Bad Day at the Gym

07 August 2008

A Japanese exchange student sat in a science classroom, totally stumped at a
question on the final exam.
The question asked: "Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, thinking he could not use personal experience.
Suddenly, he smiled, remembering some things he has overheard his mother say. He
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
He still needed a fourth answer. He tried to put himself in the place of a
child, but that didn't work. Suddenly, he smiled again. He wrote as the final
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
He sat back, considering how proud his friends would be for their genius
friend who lived overseas.


The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.
On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the
American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management
decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting
firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one
person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the
consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were
rowing on the American team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's
management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four
steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review
system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American
corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a
bonus for discovering the problem."

Stupid Goalkeepers

An Australian man was sitting in his favorite restaurant when a Japanese
bloke said to him, "I am sick of seeing your big round eyes."
The Australian replied, "Put on a blind fold."
The Japanese man asked, "Where do I get one?
The Australian then said, "Here take my shoe lace."


How courteous is the Japanese;
He always says, "Excuse it, please."
He climbs into his neighbor's garden.
And smiles, and says, "I beg your pardon;"
He bows and grins a friendly grin,
And calls his hungry family in;
He grins, and bows a friendly bow;
"So sorry, this my garden now."

Chris Norman - Some Hearts Are Diamonds

Open your heart to all
of those years

you look through a rainbow of tears.
You watched your dreams
all fadin' away

This time you're right
you make my day.
Years may come
years may go
But I still love you and I
want you to know:

Some hearts are diamonds
some hearts are stone

Some days you're tired
of being alone.
Some hearts are diamonds
some hearts are stone
[ Find more Lyrics at ]

It takes two lovers to be as one.

Illusions of love
they'll come and they'll go

Trust in your heart
maybe your love will grow.
Your silent tears they're
so full of pride

I know that you can't run and hide.
You need love like I do

I hope you want me like I
know I want you.

Some hearts are diamonds
some hearts are stone
. . .
Some hearts are diamonds
some hearts are stone -
Some hearts arr diamonds
some hearts are stone

Some days you're tired
of being alone

Some hearts are diamonds.