Cartoons of famous people

31 January 2008

Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin......

A man went rushing into a church for something he had forgotten, but he
was stopped cold by a huge sign the janitor had placed in front of the
floor that he had just washed. It read: PLEASE DON'T WALK ON THE WATER.

In Hell: the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.

In Heaven: the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian
and the bankers are Swiss

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have
24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Q: Just what did you do to try to prevent the accident?
A: I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could.

Q: You say you are innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal the watch.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

Mother superior at the grocery: "I would like to have 120 bananas for the
Salesman: "If you buy such a large quantity, it is more economic
to buy 144 of them."
Mother superior: "Oh well, we could always EAT the other 24."

A Martian expedition came to Earth to observe humans.
The alien spacecraft landed in the middle of the Arizona desert, infront of
an old, abandoned gas station. One of the aliens decides to interact with one
of the old gas pumps (confusing it with a human, since it had a round head).
The alien steps forth and asks, "What is your name? Who is your leader?
What do you do here?" The gas pump didn't respond.
The alien gets in his spacecraft and contacts the mother ship to give his
report. The alien says, " I have observed the humans. They are deaf, dumb, and
as a side note, never send a female Martian to explore this planet because they
have d1cks so long, they hang them from their ear."

Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight
trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing
next to his rig. Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied,
"I'm from the FAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride
right seat." Santa responded, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing
this flight for over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go." As
they both climbed into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the FAA inspector
brought his shotgun along with him, placing it in his lap, with his
finger on the trigger. Santa queried, "What's the shotgun for?" To which
the FAA inspector grumbled, "You're going to lose two on takeoff..."

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

Q. What is long, hard, and carries seamen?
A. A submarine.

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?

What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.

The farmboy goes to the big city for a better life. A hooker picks him up and
they go to a cheap motel for the night. As they are about to go to bed, she
hands him a condom and asks him to put it on. He looks very confused, so she
demonstrates on her forefinger. They are well into their lovemaking when she
suddenly realizes he's not wearing the condom, so she turns on the light and
asks him, "Aren't you wearing the condom, like I showed you?" He replies, "Sure
am, ma'am", and he shows her his forefinger with the condom on it.