MARIAH CAREY - TOUCH MY BODY

- Mariah Carey Lyrics

Big Snake

A blonde was cooking dinner, when her kitchen caught on fire. So she
called 911 and said, "My kitchen is on fire!"
They asked, "How do we get there?"
The blonde said, "Well, DUH, the big red truck!"

Human Tetris

A blonde goes to an office party and wins a thermos.
The blonde asks a co-worker, "What does it do?" He says it keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold.
The next day the blond goes to work after filling her thermos with ice
cream and tea.

Fort Boyard with Krasi Vankov

A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So she goes to the
library and reads and researches ice fishing. Then she goes to the
sporting goods store and buys everything she needs.
Then she finally thinks she is ready so she goes out to the ice and
starts drilling a hole. Suddenly she hears a voice from up above. It
says: "There are no fish under the ice."
So she decides to go farther down on the ice. She starts drilling and
she hears the voice again: "There are no fish under the ice."
So she packs up her things and moves down the ice again. She starts
drilling and she hears the voice again, "There are no fish under the
ice."
"Is that you Lord?" she says.
"No," says the voice, "I'm the manager of the ice hockey rink."

Fishing Fun

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to
bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and
sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says,
"Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."

Bulgaria - Beyond The Crowd

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:
"So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can
still be your friend.

Comedy Football - Don't Mistake

Woman:
Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make breakfast. Change baby. Wake
kids. Dress kids. Walk dog. Feed baby. Drive kids to school. Drag
husband out of bed. Do laundry. Iron clothes. Clean house. Make
husband lunch. Feed and change baby. Clean house again. Walk dog
again. Pick up kids. Pick up school stuff. Clean up dog's mess. Make
dinner. Call repair man, plumber, electrician, and exterminator. Swat
flies. Yell at kids. Put kids to bed. Change baby. Go to Wal-Mart to
stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for husband.
Clean house again. Go to bed. Get up. Comfort baby. Let dog out.
Change baby. Let dog in. Get 10 minutes of sleep.

Man:
Sleep. Go to work. Sleep. Drink coffee. Have wife pick up. Watch
football and drink beer. Fall asleep. Go to bathroom. Lift one heavy
object for begging wife. Go to bed. Yell at wife to feed baby.