====================================================
There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor
and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet
for three days
"Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your
diet. Then skip the third day."
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for
the first two days, then she skipped the third day.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is
your diet?"
She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was
hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."
====================================================
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad
in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and
applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job
because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would
do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long
consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the
factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The
manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he
arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of
every Elmo.
The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two
testicles!''
====================================================
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she
decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the
playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,
''I've kidnapped you.''
She then wrote a note saying,''I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow
morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree
next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A
Blonde.'' The blonde pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him
home to show it to his parents.
John Chow
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was
sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found
the $10,000 with a note that said, ''How could you do this to a fellow
blonde?''
====================================================
Showing posts with label Popular Persons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Popular Persons. Show all posts
Hot Pamela Anderson Photos
05 October 2008
Angelina Jolie "WANTED" Movie Trailer
16 March 2008
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things
around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can
take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can
tell my wife."
Victoria Beckham Vogue Shoot
09 March 2008
What do women and tile floors have in common?
Lay 'em good once and you'll never have any more trouble out of em.
Q: How are toilets different from women?
A: The toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.
Why don't women need watches?
Because there's a clock on the stove.
If a woman could change a man into any mammal, what would it be?
A whale - because it has a thirty foot tongue, and can breathe out of
the top of its head!
Paris Hilton Big Bush
23 February 2008
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions."
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.
"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of Italy."
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in Italy, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"
The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch penis."
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
Zidane Vs. Fidel Castro
20 February 2008
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the
fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to
your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third
husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to
your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third
husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
Ice Breakers - Carmen Electra
10 February 2008
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture in Idaho when
suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver,
a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL
tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you
exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me
one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where
he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on
his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an
image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he
receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints
out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You
have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the
shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and
looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his
car.
Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"
"You're a consultant," says the shepherd.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
that?"
"No guessing required," answered the shepherd. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap
about my business...."
" ... Now give me back my dog."
suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver,
a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL
tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you
exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me
one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where
he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on
his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an
image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he
receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints
out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You
have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the
shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and
looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his
car.
Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"
"You're a consultant," says the shepherd.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
that?"
"No guessing required," answered the shepherd. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap
about my business...."
" ... Now give me back my dog."
Celebreties In 2040
04 February 2008
A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse me, may I have a
bum, please?" The baker laughs and says, "Oh, you must mean a bun,
sure, here you go." The Mexican next goes to the hardware store. He
asks the clerk, "Excuse me, can I get a fucket here?" The clerk laughs
and says, "Oh, you must mean a bucket. Of course!" The Mexican then
goes to a pet shop. He asks the manager, "May i have a
Cockandspankit?" The manager laughs and says. "I think i misunderstood
you, you must mean a Cockerspaniel. On his way home, the Mexican loses
the leash on his dog. The Mexican frantically runs after it and yells
at a woman and asks, "Can you please hold my bum and fuck it, while I
go get my cock and spank it?"
bum, please?" The baker laughs and says, "Oh, you must mean a bun,
sure, here you go." The Mexican next goes to the hardware store. He
asks the clerk, "Excuse me, can I get a fucket here?" The clerk laughs
and says, "Oh, you must mean a bucket. Of course!" The Mexican then
goes to a pet shop. He asks the manager, "May i have a
Cockandspankit?" The manager laughs and says. "I think i misunderstood
you, you must mean a Cockerspaniel. On his way home, the Mexican loses
the leash on his dog. The Mexican frantically runs after it and yells
at a woman and asks, "Can you please hold my bum and fuck it, while I
go get my cock and spank it?"
A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that there are three
words the Mexican needs to know in order to be all right in the city:
The White man says these words are: green, pink, and yellow. Then the
White man says ''Now tell me a sentence using all three words.'' The
Mexican says ''I hear de telephona ah greena greena, I pink up de
phona and say ah yellow?"
words the Mexican needs to know in order to be all right in the city:
The White man says these words are: green, pink, and yellow. Then the
White man says ''Now tell me a sentence using all three words.'' The
Mexican says ''I hear de telephona ah greena greena, I pink up de
phona and say ah yellow?"
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could
buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said,
"Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to
buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said,
"Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask
me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was
leaving. The boy said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you
should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck
with an $80,000 mortgage!"
buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said,
"Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to
buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said,
"Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask
me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was
leaving. The boy said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you
should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck
with an $80,000 mortgage!"
Top ten signs you might be a frog.
You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup
You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly
French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you
Bug lamps appear to you as a curse
On applications, you list 'Pond' as your home address
Kermit is your idol
You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit
Have seen the movie 'The Fly' at least ten times
You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium
France is the evil empire to you
You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup
You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly
French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you
Bug lamps appear to you as a curse
On applications, you list 'Pond' as your home address
Kermit is your idol
You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit
Have seen the movie 'The Fly' at least ten times
You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium
France is the evil empire to you
Kermit LetterFrog's
TOP TEN REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A FROG
10. Babes are always kissing you because they think you'll turn into a
prince.
9. Flies in your soup are a bonus.
8. You're above toads on the food chain.
7. Green goes with absolutely everything!
6. Pond Scum is a term of endearment.
5. Most restaurants have a "no croaking" section.
4. Amphibians are at a minimum risk of appearing on Geraldo.
3. You can scratch hard to reach places with your tongue.
2. You can donate your body to science for big bucks!
1. It sure beats being a newt.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A FROG
10. Babes are always kissing you because they think you'll turn into a
prince.
9. Flies in your soup are a bonus.
8. You're above toads on the food chain.
7. Green goes with absolutely everything!
6. Pond Scum is a term of endearment.
5. Most restaurants have a "no croaking" section.
4. Amphibians are at a minimum risk of appearing on Geraldo.
3. You can scratch hard to reach places with your tongue.
2. You can donate your body to science for big bucks!
1. It sure beats being a newt.
The Frog and the Princess
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
and saying, "I don't think so."
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
and saying, "I don't think so."
One frog says to another:
-Are you indisposed?
And the other answers:
-No!!! Why are you always asking me that?
The first frog says:
-You always look so green!!...
-Are you indisposed?
And the other answers:
-No!!! Why are you always asking me that?
The first frog says:
-You always look so green!!...
A lovely Princess sees a frog in the woods. On closer inspection, she sees that he also happens to be wearing a tiny crown.
So, being the lovely Princess that she was, she puckered up and bent down to kiss the little frog.
The Frog suddenly leaped back, recoiling in horror!
"Please, NO! For God's sake, I've been a frog for years! I have a wife and
hundreds of kids, and THEY'RE ALL FROGS!"
So, being the lovely Princess that she was, she puckered up and bent down to kiss the little frog.
The Frog suddenly leaped back, recoiling in horror!
"Please, NO! For God's sake, I've been a frog for years! I have a wife and
hundreds of kids, and THEY'RE ALL FROGS!"
A man walks in to a doctors office with a frog on his head.
The doctor leaps up and says:
"Good grief, how on earth did you get that great ugly thing!"
The frog looks down and replies:
"I dunno Doc, it started out as a little wart on my bottom!"
The doctor leaps up and says:
"Good grief, how on earth did you get that great ugly thing!"
The frog looks down and replies:
"I dunno Doc, it started out as a little wart on my bottom!"
A little girl walks up to her grandfather and says:
"Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
Grandpa says:
"Honey, why do you want me to do that?"
And the little girls says:
"Well, Daddy said that when you croak, we all get to go to Disney World!"
"Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
Grandpa says:
"Honey, why do you want me to do that?"
And the little girls says:
"Well, Daddy said that when you croak, we all get to go to Disney World!"
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a
beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next semester in her biology class."
beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next semester in her biology class."
How will look some celebreties with 80kilos more
01 February 2008
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
You cry when you cut up an onion.
An old Jew and a young Jew are travelling on the train. The young
Jew asks: "Excuse me, what time is it?" The old Jew does not answer. "Excuse me, ir, what time is it?" The old Jew keeps silent. "Sir, I'm asking you what time is it. Why don't you answer?!" The old Jew says: "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, I'll have to invite you to my home. You're handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. Tell me, why would I need a
son-in-law who can't even afford a watch?"
Jew asks: "Excuse me, what time is it?" The old Jew does not answer. "Excuse me, ir, what time is it?" The old Jew keeps silent. "Sir, I'm asking you what time is it. Why don't you answer?!" The old Jew says: "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, I'll have to invite you to my home. You're handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. Tell me, why would I need a
son-in-law who can't even afford a watch?"
THREE women, at coffee:
"Oy."
"Oy vey."
"Oy vey's mir"
"Please, let's not discuss the children !"
"Oy."
"Oy vey."
"Oy vey's mir"
"Please, let's not discuss the children !"
This guy walks into a bar, and sits down at the bar. There is a really
good looking girl alone at the end of the bar. He catches her eye, and
smiles at her. She gives him an icy stare in return.
A little while later he tries again, and is rebuked. He calls the bartender
over. "Listen, I'd really like to meet that girl, can you help me".
Sure says the bartender, "have you ever heard of Jewish Fly".
"No, is it like Spanish Fly", replys the man.
"Much better than that." says the bartender.
The bartender mixes the girl a drink, (with the jewish fly of course) and
gives it to her. A little later she smiles at the man. After a few more minutes
and she began to lick her lips suggestively. The man walks over, sits down
and says "May I get you another drink"
"No", she says in a deep sexy voice,
"But you can take me shopping"
good looking girl alone at the end of the bar. He catches her eye, and
smiles at her. She gives him an icy stare in return.
A little while later he tries again, and is rebuked. He calls the bartender
over. "Listen, I'd really like to meet that girl, can you help me".
Sure says the bartender, "have you ever heard of Jewish Fly".
"No, is it like Spanish Fly", replys the man.
"Much better than that." says the bartender.
The bartender mixes the girl a drink, (with the jewish fly of course) and
gives it to her. A little later she smiles at the man. After a few more minutes
and she began to lick her lips suggestively. The man walks over, sits down
and says "May I get you another drink"
"No", she says in a deep sexy voice,
"But you can take me shopping"
I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude-,
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude-,
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
Magnetic Attraction Pepsi Stuff Super Bowl Justin Timberlake
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said, "I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said, "I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the
passion and mystery I found there."
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they questioned.
The Engineer said, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done."
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said, "I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said, "I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the
passion and mystery I found there."
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they questioned.
The Engineer said, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done."
Cartoons of famous people
31 January 2008
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin......
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin......
A man went rushing into a church for something he had forgotten, but he
was stopped cold by a huge sign the janitor had placed in front of the
floor that he had just washed. It read: PLEASE DON'T WALK ON THE WATER.
was stopped cold by a huge sign the janitor had placed in front of the
floor that he had just washed. It read: PLEASE DON'T WALK ON THE WATER.
In Hell: the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.
In Heaven: the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian
and the bankers are Swiss
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian
and the bankers are Swiss
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have
24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have
24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Q: Just what did you do to try to prevent the accident?
A: I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could.
A: I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could.
Q: You say you are innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal the watch.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
Mother superior at the grocery: "I would like to have 120 bananas for the
convent."
Salesman: "If you buy such a large quantity, it is more economic
to buy 144 of them."
Mother superior: "Oh well, we could always EAT the other 24."
convent."
Salesman: "If you buy such a large quantity, it is more economic
to buy 144 of them."
Mother superior: "Oh well, we could always EAT the other 24."
A Martian expedition came to Earth to observe humans.
The alien spacecraft landed in the middle of the Arizona desert, infront of
an old, abandoned gas station. One of the aliens decides to interact with one
of the old gas pumps (confusing it with a human, since it had a round head).
The alien steps forth and asks, "What is your name? Who is your leader?
What do you do here?" The gas pump didn't respond.
The alien gets in his spacecraft and contacts the mother ship to give his
report. The alien says, " I have observed the humans. They are deaf, dumb, and
as a side note, never send a female Martian to explore this planet because they
have d1cks so long, they hang them from their ear."
The alien spacecraft landed in the middle of the Arizona desert, infront of
an old, abandoned gas station. One of the aliens decides to interact with one
of the old gas pumps (confusing it with a human, since it had a round head).
The alien steps forth and asks, "What is your name? Who is your leader?
What do you do here?" The gas pump didn't respond.
The alien gets in his spacecraft and contacts the mother ship to give his
report. The alien says, " I have observed the humans. They are deaf, dumb, and
as a side note, never send a female Martian to explore this planet because they
have d1cks so long, they hang them from their ear."
Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight
trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing
next to his rig. Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied,
"I'm from the FAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride
right seat." Santa responded, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing
this flight for over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go." As
they both climbed into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the FAA inspector
brought his shotgun along with him, placing it in his lap, with his
finger on the trigger. Santa queried, "What's the shotgun for?" To which
the FAA inspector grumbled, "You're going to lose two on takeoff..."
trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing
next to his rig. Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied,
"I'm from the FAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride
right seat." Santa responded, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing
this flight for over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go." As
they both climbed into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the FAA inspector
brought his shotgun along with him, placing it in his lap, with his
finger on the trigger. Santa queried, "What's the shotgun for?" To which
the FAA inspector grumbled, "You're going to lose two on takeoff..."
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
Q. What is long, hard, and carries seamen?
A. A submarine.
A. A submarine.
Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
The farmboy goes to the big city for a better life. A hooker picks him up and
they go to a cheap motel for the night. As they are about to go to bed, she
hands him a condom and asks him to put it on. He looks very confused, so she
demonstrates on her forefinger. They are well into their lovemaking when she
suddenly realizes he's not wearing the condom, so she turns on the light and
asks him, "Aren't you wearing the condom, like I showed you?" He replies, "Sure
am, ma'am", and he shows her his forefinger with the condom on it.
they go to a cheap motel for the night. As they are about to go to bed, she
hands him a condom and asks him to put it on. He looks very confused, so she
demonstrates on her forefinger. They are well into their lovemaking when she
suddenly realizes he's not wearing the condom, so she turns on the light and
asks him, "Aren't you wearing the condom, like I showed you?" He replies, "Sure
am, ma'am", and he shows her his forefinger with the condom on it.
Lance Armstrong - Nike commercial
30 January 2008
A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. Once he is in
the bar he tells all the patrons that are present that for a round of
drinks from everyone in the bar he will insert his penis into the
alligator's mouth and remove it unscathed. All the bar goers accepted
the dare and each put up a drink. the man walks up to the alligator,
takes his penis out of his pants and puts into the alligator's mouth.
He then grabs a beer bottle and smashes it over the alligator's head.
The alligator immediately opens his mouth and the man removes his
penis unscathed.
The crowd is left in awe.
The man then says, 'If there is anyone here who is willing do the same
thing, I will give them $500.''
From the back of the bar a woman stands up and says, ''I'll do it, if
you promise not to smash the beer bottle over my head!''
Famous people as children
28 January 2008
An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is nothing"
on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
Drawing SEXY Adriana Lima
26 January 2008
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case. The Problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor. The child Should be in my custody." The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense ?" The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out... Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
Paris Hilton Fila
24 January 2008
A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop and says he wants
his hair dyed brown.
The barber asks him to take off the headphones. The blonde refuses,
but the barber dyes it anyway.
The blonde falls asleep so the barber takes the headphones off and
continues dying his hair.
Two minutes later he''''s shocked to find the blonde is dead. The
barber puts on the headphones and there's a voice repeating, "Breathe
in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."
his hair dyed brown.
The barber asks him to take off the headphones. The blonde refuses,
but the barber dyes it anyway.
The blonde falls asleep so the barber takes the headphones off and
continues dying his hair.
Two minutes later he''''s shocked to find the blonde is dead. The
barber puts on the headphones and there's a voice repeating, "Breathe
in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."
New Video With Carla Bruni
21 January 2008
The next firts lady of France made a good commercial for Italian Car ( Lancia Musa ). She wrote by her self the music in the video.
Paris Hilton Washing the Car
12 January 2008
A great and sexy commercial which was banned because this will upset quite a few in the food circle.
The maker of this wanted a controversial figure, which they found in the form of cool and sexy Paris Hilton. The buyers now ask for the Paris Hilton burger, which indicates their acceptance.
PEPSI (Britney Spears, Beyonce, Pink, Enrique Iglesias - We Will Rock You)
11 January 2008
Good shot in the commercial industry...Four of the most popular people in the world join together.. when we add and a super song (We Will Rock You )…Pepsi gives a warning to Coca Cola that the battle will never stop. Which drink is better you decide. I make up my mind… The best one is LEMONADE…Why???? There is no commercial for LEMONADE but it is popular all over the World. Don’t Drink And Drive…except LEMONADE….
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