==========================================================
Q:How do you know you're in a gay church?
A:Only half of the congregation is kneeling!
==========================================================
Q:What do gay guys call their condoms?
A:Mud flaps!
==========================================================
Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A: Megasoreass.
==========================================================
Q:How does a gay man fake an orgasm?
A:He spits on his partners back.
==========================================================
Q:What another word for a gay farmer?
A:A jolly rancher.
==========================================================
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
A: Wow! You really do taste like chicken.
==========================================================
Q:What do gay guys eat for dessert?
A:Nuts on top of a brownie.
==========================================================
Showing posts with label Boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boy. Show all posts
DON'T FORGET THIS MOMENTS
03 October 2008
This Guy Is Unbelievable
21 February 2008
A man hails a taxi, and gets inside.
"5th and Main, please."
"You again?" says the taxi driver. "This is the 4th time I've dropped you and your wife off at work."
"Really? My wife doesn't work."
"Yes, she does. I drop her off there everyday, about an hour after I rive you to work."
"There?"
"Behind the Tillman & Lane department store."
"Interesting," says the man. "Tell you what. Pick me up in two hours,
and I want you to show me where my wife works." So two hours later,
the taxi arrives and takes the man to whorehouse behind Tillman &
Lane.
"Hold on," said the driver. "I'll be right back."
There's a huge commotion after the driver goes in, with cursing and
screaming and the sounds of breaking furniture. The driver comes out
with a woman in a headlock.
"That's not my wife!" exclaims the man.
"I know. She's mine. I'm going back in for yours."
"5th and Main, please."
"You again?" says the taxi driver. "This is the 4th time I've dropped you and your wife off at work."
"Really? My wife doesn't work."
"Yes, she does. I drop her off there everyday, about an hour after I rive you to work."
"There?"
"Behind the Tillman & Lane department store."
"Interesting," says the man. "Tell you what. Pick me up in two hours,
and I want you to show me where my wife works." So two hours later,
the taxi arrives and takes the man to whorehouse behind Tillman &
Lane.
"Hold on," said the driver. "I'll be right back."
There's a huge commotion after the driver goes in, with cursing and
screaming and the sounds of breaking furniture. The driver comes out
with a woman in a headlock.
"That's not my wife!" exclaims the man.
"I know. She's mine. I'm going back in for yours."
Posted by dido at 3:53 PM 0 comments
bull gives good lesson to curious spectator
16 February 2008
Prison Life vs a Full-Time Job
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for
that one.
In prison you get time off for good behaviour.
At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all
the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own room.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the
inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside
bars.
In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for
that one.
In prison you get time off for good behaviour.
At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all
the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own room.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the
inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside
bars.
In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.
Posted by dido at 4:17 PM 0 comments
Why a Geek Will Steal Your Girlfriend in 2008
12 February 2008
Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other
is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign
that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting
in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at
the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and
we're all gonna die."
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other
is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign
that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting
in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at
the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and
we're all gonna die."
Posted by dido at 9:08 AM 0 comments
funny commercial
11 February 2008
Why small town lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you,
Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to
me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do.
I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted,
and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with
anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died! At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."
prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you,
Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to
me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do.
I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted,
and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with
anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died! At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."
Posted by dido at 9:22 AM 0 comments
Labels: Boy, Commercial, Girl
Bike accidents
10 February 2008
Differences Between Bosses and Employees
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it 's because he's overworked.
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it 's because he's overworked.
Posted by dido at 3:02 PM 0 comments
Run Boy Run
09 February 2008
Corporate lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the
road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She
got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal
a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her
leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember
psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He
forced himself to remove his hand. However,he was unable to remove
his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg
again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a
meaningful glance and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or
you might miss a great opportunity!
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the
road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She
got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal
a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her
leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember
psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He
forced himself to remove his hand. However,he was unable to remove
his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg
again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a
meaningful glance and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or
you might miss a great opportunity!
Posted by dido at 10:02 PM 0 comments
The Human water fountain
25 January 2008
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I
have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you
think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have
an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day
when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up
his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a
rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went,
'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you
think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have
an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day
when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up
his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a
rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went,
'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
Posted by dido at 9:29 AM 0 comments
Why we don`t have to drink
24 January 2008
A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the
second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and
absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An
elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly. The
passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?" The elderly man replies, "I can't
see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and
intended son-in-law are upstairs." The passerby hands him the used condom and
says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out
the window!"
second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and
absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An
elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly. The
passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?" The elderly man replies, "I can't
see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and
intended son-in-law are upstairs." The passerby hands him the used condom and
says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out
the window!"
Posted by dido at 9:14 AM 0 comments
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
