It`s hurt

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Water

''Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent!''
''I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?''
''Well, the first part you can imagine. But he also burned his tongue
and broke his finger!''

Run Boy Run

Corporate lesson 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the
road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She
got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal
a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her
leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember
psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He
forced himself to remove his hand. However,he was unable to remove
his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg
again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a
meaningful glance and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or
you might miss a great opportunity!

INSANE wave pool in Tokyo

Joe tells his wife he is heading out to the pub for a drink. His
wife starts complaining that he's always at the pub and never takes
her anywhere anymore. After hours of complaining, the husband agrees
to take his wife to the pub.
They sit down at a table and the husband gets up and goes to get
drinks for himself and his wife. While he's gone a man walks up to
Joe's wife and tells her he wants to turn her upside down fill her
with beer and drink her dry.
Joe's wife exclaims, "You sick pervert! Get out of my sight!"
Joe returns and his wife tells him what happened and asks him to go
kick that guy's ass. Joe says, "No way. A guy who can drink that much
beer has got to have a pint on me!"