Diet Pepsi Max - Nod

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico. They set up on the square of a small village. Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't
able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and
scratches. Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised
and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him. The third time it happens, Bob
comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is
almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, "Holy
cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?"
Bob looks confused and says, "No, the cord was fine... but what the
heck is a pinata?"

Budweiser - Beer Wagon Team

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two
large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered
Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The
guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and
finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover
that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases
Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's
shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing
happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The
guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan
crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and
the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the
guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me,
what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

Bud Light - Caveman Wheel

A couple go to Mexico City for vacation and go to a famous local
restaurant. They ask the waiter's opinion about what to order, and he
tells them they have a special each Sunday that's wonderful, so the
couple orders that.With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving
platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping; it
smells delicious and tastes even better.The couple are delighted with their meal and ask the waiter just what the fabulous meat dish was. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate.
The couple are a bit taken aback by what they had just eaten, but
it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns back in Mexico City and decide to go to the same same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they
order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge
silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this one so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, " Well you see, senor, sometimes
the bull wins!"

Victoria's Secret Adriana Lima

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going
to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there
is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you
what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten
dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and
said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm
water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must
be a fraud.
So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine,
his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He
brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After
a minute the paper came out and said, ''The tap water has lead, the
dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your
daughter.''

Celebreties In 2040

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse me, may I have a
bum, please?" The baker laughs and says, "Oh, you must mean a bun,
sure, here you go." The Mexican next goes to the hardware store. He
asks the clerk, "Excuse me, can I get a fucket here?" The clerk laughs
and says, "Oh, you must mean a bucket. Of course!" The Mexican then
goes to a pet shop. He asks the manager, "May i have a
Cockandspankit?" The manager laughs and says. "I think i misunderstood
you, you must mean a Cockerspaniel. On his way home, the Mexican loses
the leash on his dog. The Mexican frantically runs after it and yells
at a woman and asks, "Can you please hold my bum and fuck it, while I
go get my cock and spank it?"

A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that there are three
words the Mexican needs to know in order to be all right in the city:
The White man says these words are: green, pink, and yellow. Then the
White man says ''Now tell me a sentence using all three words.'' The
Mexican says ''I hear de telephona ah greena greena, I pink up de
phona and say ah yellow?"

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could
buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said,
"Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to
buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said,
"Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask
me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was
leaving. The boy said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you
should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck
with an $80,000 mortgage!"

Top ten signs you might be a frog.
You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup
You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly
French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you
Bug lamps appear to you as a curse
On applications, you list 'Pond' as your home address
Kermit is your idol
You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit
Have seen the movie 'The Fly' at least ten times
You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium
France is the evil empire to you

Kermit LetterFrog's

TOP TEN REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A FROG

10. Babes are always kissing you because they think you'll turn into a
prince.
9. Flies in your soup are a bonus.
8. You're above toads on the food chain.
7. Green goes with absolutely everything!
6. Pond Scum is a term of endearment.
5. Most restaurants have a "no croaking" section.
4. Amphibians are at a minimum risk of appearing on Geraldo.
3. You can scratch hard to reach places with your tongue.
2. You can donate your body to science for big bucks!
1. It sure beats being a newt.

The Frog and the Princess
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
and saying, "I don't think so."

One frog says to another:
-Are you indisposed?
And the other answers:
-No!!! Why are you always asking me that?
The first frog says:
-You always look so green!!...

A lovely Princess sees a frog in the woods. On closer inspection, she sees that he also happens to be wearing a tiny crown.
So, being the lovely Princess that she was, she puckered up and bent down to kiss the little frog.
The Frog suddenly leaped back, recoiling in horror!
"Please, NO! For God's sake, I've been a frog for years! I have a wife and
hundreds of kids, and THEY'RE ALL FROGS!"

A man walks in to a doctors office with a frog on his head.
The doctor leaps up and says:
"Good grief, how on earth did you get that great ugly thing!"
The frog looks down and replies:
"I dunno Doc, it started out as a little wart on my bottom!"

A little girl walks up to her grandfather and says:
"Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
Grandpa says:
"Honey, why do you want me to do that?"
And the little girls says:
"Well, Daddy said that when you croak, we all get to go to Disney World!"

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a
beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next semester in her biology class."

How will look some celebreties with 80kilos more

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.

An old Jew and a young Jew are travelling on the train. The young
Jew asks: "Excuse me, what time is it?" The old Jew does not answer. "Excuse me, ir, what time is it?" The old Jew keeps silent. "Sir, I'm asking you what time is it. Why don't you answer?!" The old Jew says: "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, I'll have to invite you to my home. You're handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. Tell me, why would I need a
son-in-law who can't even afford a watch?"

THREE women, at coffee:
"Oy."
"Oy vey."
"Oy vey's mir"
"Please, let's not discuss the children !"

This guy walks into a bar, and sits down at the bar. There is a really
good looking girl alone at the end of the bar. He catches her eye, and
smiles at her. She gives him an icy stare in return.
A little while later he tries again, and is rebuked. He calls the bartender
over. "Listen, I'd really like to meet that girl, can you help me".
Sure says the bartender, "have you ever heard of Jewish Fly".
"No, is it like Spanish Fly", replys the man.
"Much better than that." says the bartender.
The bartender mixes the girl a drink, (with the jewish fly of course) and
gives it to her. A little later she smiles at the man. After a few more minutes
and she began to lick her lips suggestively. The man walks over, sits down
and says "May I get you another drink"
"No", she says in a deep sexy voice,
"But you can take me shopping"

I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude-,
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!

Magnetic Attraction Pepsi Stuff Super Bowl Justin Timberlake

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said, "I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said, "I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the
passion and mystery I found there."
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they questioned.
The Engineer said, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done."