Big Snake
A blonde was cooking dinner, when her kitchen caught on fire. So she
called 911 and said, "My kitchen is on fire!"
They asked, "How do we get there?"
The blonde said, "Well, DUH, the big red truck!"
Human Tetris
A blonde goes to an office party and wins a thermos.
The blonde asks a co-worker, "What does it do?" He says it keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold.
The next day the blond goes to work after filling her thermos with ice
cream and tea.
Fort Boyard with Krasi Vankov
A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So she goes to the
library and reads and researches ice fishing. Then she goes to the
sporting goods store and buys everything she needs.
Then she finally thinks she is ready so she goes out to the ice and
starts drilling a hole. Suddenly she hears a voice from up above. It
says: "There are no fish under the ice."
So she decides to go farther down on the ice. She starts drilling and
she hears the voice again: "There are no fish under the ice."
So she packs up her things and moves down the ice again. She starts
drilling and she hears the voice again, "There are no fish under the
ice."
"Is that you Lord?" she says.
"No," says the voice, "I'm the manager of the ice hockey rink."
Bulgaria - Beyond The Crowd
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:
"So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can
still be your friend.
King Football
17 March 2008
This letter was started by a woman, like yourself, in the hopes of
bringing relief to other tired and discontended women. Unlike most
chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of
this letter to five of your friends who are equally frustrated. Then
bundle up your husband or partner, and send him to the woman whose
name appears on the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom
of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list, you will
receive 16,877 men! One of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better
than the one you already have. Do not break the chain. One woman broke
the chain and got the old son-of-a-bitch back again! At this writing,
a friend of mine already received 384 men... They buried her
yesterday, but it took three undertakers to get the smile off her face
and two days to get her legs together so they could close the coffin.
Hurry up and send this letter so my name can move up fast!
Macho or Gay
16 March 2008
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, racing, or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom too!!
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man,, and this is, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
Victoria Beckham Vogue Shoot
What do women and tile floors have in common?
Lay 'em good once and you'll never have any more trouble out of em.
Q: How are toilets different from women?
A: The toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.
Why don't women need watches?
Because there's a clock on the stove.
If a woman could change a man into any mammal, what would it be?
A whale - because it has a thirty foot tongue, and can breathe out of
the top of its head!
Why Girls Don't Fart
What's the difference between women at the ages of 8, 18, 28, 38, 48 & 58?
8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story....
18 - You tell her a story then take her to bed...
28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed....
38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed....
48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed....
58 - You stay in bed all day to avoid her story...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
